i think i scared a bird with my dick
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
