The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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