Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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