the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
