Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
