All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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