Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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