Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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