I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
