I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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