I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
