I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
