Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
