Betty ford says i'm here all night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
