Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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