hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
