At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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