My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I want to fling myself into the sun
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
