i always forget guys have bellybuttons
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How external is "for external use only"?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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