I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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