dude i'm inner monologue high
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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