Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
