glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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