The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
