is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
