I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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