so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
