you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
