I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
