I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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