He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
