Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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