I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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