I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
