My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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