Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
