Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
