I wish life had little blips of pornography
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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