see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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