My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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