onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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