You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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