put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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