Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
