Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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