come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
