After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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