I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
