Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just pee around me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
