The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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