Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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