Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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