how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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