well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
