So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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